To help you pass the time, you may enjoy my old analysis of Meatloaf's performance at a previous GF:
Meatloaf is off the Menu
According to a doctor I know, when someone is being kept alive only because of life support, and close relatives agree to turn it off, it is standard procedure to actually turn it off. Judging from Meatloaf’s performance at our recent AFL Grand Final, standard procedure is not always carried out. Instead, a decision was made to continue with life support. This was done via a tiny, portable machine disguised as a chunky lump of chewing gum attached to the inside of The Loaf’s lower teeth. In this way, what’s left of life can be prolonged by a few hours.
Another doctor I know has violently disagreed with this version of events, saying that, quite clearly, Meatloaf had recently passed away and then been the subject of a partial exhumation. I say partial because they were not able to exhume his voice, it having well and truly passed through the long tunnel of tunelessness and beyond the white light. Unbeknowns to all of us in the audience, we were, in fact, witnessing a medical, if not musical miracle.
So there he is ... Meatloaf ... trashing the world’s appreciation of fine music, one stadium at a time. Little did we know that the best part of the pre-match entertainment was going to be the ‘Welcome to Country’. Actually, we must be grateful Meatloaf wasn’t scheduled for the POST-match entertainment, as thousands may have been killed in the stampede to the exits.
If we subscribe to the view that every cloud has a silver lining, there must be a positive we can pluck from this trainwreck. And there is – since this low point in Australia’s ceaseless campaign to showcase its cultural sophistication to the world, it has been revealed that Meatloaf’s performance is to be screened on large, seaward-facing monitors along parts of coastal Western Australia, in order to repel asylum seekers.
The other obvious positive is that, for a few minutes at least, our collective feeling of aghastness, (if there is such a word, and even if there’s not that’s how we felt) caused us to forget about our other worries ... worries such as climate change. However, if the Meatloaf mess is a foreshadowing of what’s to come at future Grand Finals, then climate change can’t come soon enough.