Goldposts - The best of Punt Road End

[Tigerfan]

meh, average but not gold.

 

[Dyer'ere]

There's nothing like agony to bring out the best in posters. :blah :blah :blah :blah :blah

Oh, the pain. ;D

 

[Tigers of Old]

So the Blues have sacked Big Red. Is that the end of the Fatnall jokes?

Good timing to dig up one of my favourite ever PRE goldposts...courtesy of Scooper. ;D

Lance Whitnall in the forward pocket under the scoreboard having a shot for goal; starts his approach, talks three steps and suddenly this voice appears from the stnding room section

"DELIVERY, SIX PIZZAS FOR A LANCE WHITNALL? ANYONE?"

The crowd just lost it and poor Lance cracked a grin and had to go back and compose himself.

Just gold. Every time Lance got near the fence this bloke had a food line for him,

"HALF PRICE HAMBURGERS LANCE".
"HAS ANYONE SEEN LANCES LUNCHBOX? GIVE IT BACK HIS STARVING!!!"
'KICK IT TO LUNCH WHITNALL".
"DON"T GIVE HIM A MESSAGE RUNNER, GET HIM 6 STEAMED DIM SIMS".
"MATTY LAPPIN YOU PIG, SHARE YOUR FOOD WITH LANCE".
"HEY YOU IN THE CARLTON JUMPER IN THE THIRD ROW, PUT THAT HOTDOG DOWN, SAVE IT FOR LANCE".

Good times. Poor Dad and I almost died of laughter and this bloke had the whole crowd hanging off his every word. Even stiched up the RIchmond players with one liners. Never swore, never offended anyone. He was only about 5ft but had a booming voice that carried. My funniest day ever.

 

[hptiger]

I think i know that guy, they nickname him the mouth, you can hear him from the other side of the MCG, top bloke.

 

[Tigers of Old]

Wallace and Miller

Once a nervous nelly Clawman camped by a billabong
After a night on a Coolabah spree
And he sang as he wined and wailed till his blood boiled
"Who'll sign my Wallace and Miller petition for me?"

Down come young Tigerbob to drink at the water hole
Up jumped the Clawman and grabbed him in glee
And he sang as he stowed him away in his duffle bag
"You'll sign my Wallace and Miller petition for me'"


Up rode the Prettyboy, a riding his thoroughbred
Up rode the Diggler, Maverick and Redned - one, two, three
"Who's that strapping centrehalfback you've got in your duffle bag?"
"You'll sign my Wallace and Miller petition for me"


But the Clawman he up and jumped into the billabong
Drowning himself in gloom after his Coolabah spree,
And his ghost may be heard as it sings his tired old silly song,
"Who'll sign my Wallace and Miller petition for me?"

Adam (Banjo) Pattison .... on behalf of the next generation Tigers

Good effort Mr Sneeze. :cutelaugh

 

[davidrodan]

How bout this gold moment from the one and only Tigers of old

Hello Mr Rutten. This is Gurreg Miller.

Click...........beep....beep....beep....

 

[tannerztigers]

Beat me to it DavidRodan

Very funny for Tigers of old

 

[YinnarTiger]

Maybe Judd needs cousins :'(

Only his aunty and Uncle can help him out there

 

[Rosy]

Is it fair to assume that if the Tiges offered Cousins a contract, then the club is by default accepting of (champion) players committing such crimes and misdemeanours providing they don’t commit them while wearing the Tiger gurnsey?
And if that’s the case where do the Tiges draw their moral line?

For me, I’d say YES to any Brownlow champion junky, booze hound, party animal or mad transvestite but draw the line on suspected serial killers, rabies carriers and conservatives...... unless they’re a KPP of course.

Post of the year for mine. So few words give so much food for thought and, despite the serious topic a laugh along the way.

 

[TOT70]

How does one argue with such compelling logic? (Why is the G better than the dome?)

Case & Argument closed.

http://www.melbournepubs.com/search?l=en&c=S21&q=Richmond&se=SE3&so=SO5

vs.

http://www.melbournepubs.com/search?l=en&c=S21&q=Docklands&se=SE3&so=SO5

 

[YinnarTiger]

Free your mind and your ass will follow. (George Clinton).

An ass is more likely to follow a carrot (rosy)

Not sure about following carrots, but I know a few guys who would follow a nice ass :cutelaugh

Now that's disgusting

I do know guys that will follow a nice arse though

Sorry for nesting quotes Disco but that's Gold.

 

[blackandyellowmatt]

Okay MC, its time for Uncle 74 to tell you a story.

The story is about two bands, Cold Chisel and The Rolling Stones. They were both great and mighty in their day, but by the time your Uncle 74 was old enough to see them, they had either broken up or stopped touring. Your Uncle 74 was sad, but promised himself he would queue up for days to get tickets if they ever played in Melbourne again.

Then one day, the touring fairy sprinkled a little fairy dust Melbourne's way, and your Uncle 74 heard that he had the chance to see both bands live in the flesh. Your Uncle 74 was so very happy! He queued for all night for his tickets, and was lucky enough to get very good seats to see his favourite bands.

When he got there though, he noticed something. The Rollings Stones, gave an awesome stadium show, and blew your Uncle away. He hadn't been this happy at the MCG since that young whipper snapper Scotty Turner was belting O'Donnell on the wing. As for the Chisels, a classic pub show at grimey Festival Hall was very much what your uncle hoped for. There was something missing in both nights though.

That was, their best. You see, the touring fairy is able to make a band reform and tour, but it cannot give them a vodka and cocaine bypass to enable them to play like its the 70's again. You uncle 74 could accept this, because he knew in his heart this night was about remembering the best of the band, and honoring their place in your LP collection.


Now why do you ask does this relate to you and that young Sheedy fella from Essendon. Well, just like the Stones, he is still playing, but his best is behind him. If we bring him to our club, it will be to do the job he did, and to hope he can relive the past. This cannot happen though. We need a new coach to build a future, not to try and return to the past.

Now sonny, its past 8:30 so its time for bed. You go kiss your Auntie goodnight, and bring me my Picture magazine.....I have a story about Picture magazine and how I met your Auntie you know, but I'll tell you that after you have had your first penicillin shot.....

 

[Tom Bosley]

Surely some of Tom Bosley's lunch threads should be considered 'Gold Posts' and what about Clay Bevan everything the kid said was gold - shame on the lotta ya

 

[Growl]

Hey Tom, long time no speak.

Last I knew you were going on hols.

See you still got the bike.

How about rolling out a few lunch menus for my tired old eyes.

 

[Six Pack]

bozzle! >

 

[Tony Braxton-Hicks]

This post from Elmer is a response to whether Patrick Dangerfield was mentioned during the draft preview night.

He was mentioned. Apparently they were quite keen on him until he was interviewed at draft camp. It didn’t go that well. Greg and Francis even provided some transcript:

G&F: Hi Patrick, how are you?
Dangerfield: I don't get no regard - and no esteem, neither

G&F: Okay?! So can you tell us a little about your family life, your parents and childhood?
Dangerfield: I could tell my parents hated me, my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. My mother never breast-fed me, she told me she liked me as a friend. I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot. My father carried around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

G&F: erm...how about where you grew up?
Dangerfield: When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. I came from a real tough neighborhood, I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand. I remember the time I was kidnapped they sent a piece of my finger to my father, he said he wanted more proof.

G&F: That sounds difficult...how about pets or life outside the home?
Dangerfield: What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up. I had plenty of pimples as a kid, one day I fell asleep in the library and when I woke up a blind man was reading my face.

G&F: Right, well let’s move on. Should we draft you to Richmond most of our young players cop a lot of criticism. Often it’s just argumentative and premature. Have you heard of PRE?
Dangerfield: Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
G&F: So you do know it.

G&F: There have been high profile scandals recently and we want to be sure you have no untoward drug or sexual history. You know, so that you’re suitable for club promotions.
Dangerfield: I saved a girl from being attacked last night, I controlled myself. If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.

G&F: I think we’re finished. Do you have anything to add?
Dangerfield: “Yeah, We’re all gonna get laid!”

Expect him to drop.

 

[Tigers of Old]

LMAO. Very funny Elmer. :cutelaugh

 

[Dyer'ere]

hi mr pratt its crannypete‏
From: pete wilson ([email protected])
Sent: Wednesday, 28 November 2007 1:33:24 PM
To: [email protected]; [email protected]

hi mr pratt its crannypete

look I know you been busy dude with some legal stuff so I waited until now to write you. hey if you need a lawyer I got a good one his name is Bernie the attorney you might know him, he does all the good criminals, well actually just the bad ones, the good ones don’t need a lawyer, they don’t get caught

anyway I see the news say that because of the price fixing thingo, all the Australians had to pay $700 millions extra for our packaging, well mr pratt I got to tell you, it maked me very distort I can’t afford that, I couldunt sleep for two hours thinking all that money the Australians lost

well I done some calculations maybe you can get your accountant to check them I only done maths to form 3 but I done that three times so I was pretty good at the end

so what I calculated is this brother there are twenty millions of Australians and that’s $700 millions of lost money, that means each of the Australians we lost $35 (my mate trefor added this up on his phone its got a calculator in it, what will they think of next, you should get one)

well mrs mac my land lady she has putted the rent up on the shed I live in at the back garden of her house, its now $50 bucks a week brother, well I had a blinder of a spring carnival but not so good with the old four legged investment portfolio if you get the drift dude. I pulled up real short and now I got to pay an extra $5 bucks a week

so anyway, I was thinking brother, maybe I could have my $35 bucks back? (this is just the money I lost from the price fixing), I know you are probably a bit short on account of that fine they maked you pay and maybe you had a bad carnival like me, so maybe just half now the rest, say next week?

Also brother can you just whack that straight into my tab account (account number is 324 654 pin number is 5245) and we’ll call it square, I cant take cheques brother they have to go in my bank account and centrelink are watching that so is the fraud squad

Brother I been in jail many times and also I been to court many times and here is just some friendly advice my lawyer Bernie (remember him I told you about him before) well he told me you should never plead guilty crannypete, make them earn their keep, its got me out of jail a few times so to speak haha

And if they sayed they have you on security tape just say it was your twin brother who is dead now but which got adopted out at birth, that’s why they cant find him under his real name and you don’t know his adopted name, trust me brother this works. Just once, but. Unless you say it was your triplet, then you can use it one more time

anyway dude thanks for helping a brother next time you are down Cranbourne way drop in for a barbie just don’t come if the races are on at cranny


your friend crannypete





ps crannypete is what everyone calls me my real name is pete wilson and I live in the garage at the back of 56 high st Cranbourne don’t send mail mrs mac steals it all shes a klappermaniac

This one is gold IMO. Genius.

 

[YinnarTiger]

They can say what they like. Tiges have won 5 premierships in my lifetime so far, the last 3 I remember crystal clear. I know its a long time ago, and we all hang for the next one(s); but don't lose faith - the wheel turns.

And if I had chosen Collingwood as my team of choice as a youngster; the team thats won 1 flag in my lifetime, 3 since Menzies (yeah, I'm talking Sir Robert) declared war on Germany - I would've hung myself in the old mans garage preliminary final day 1973 (what a glorious day!!) after the heartbreak of the previous few years.

I know we've been our own worst enemy over the last quarter century, but at least when we make it, we win the F thing!

Collingwood can have their gold plated baths for their duds to wash their arseholes in, bottom line: they're losers.

Give me the Tiges anyday. And when the day comes, just put that Midnight Oil classic "Forgotten Years" on and pump up the volume - we'll see who's laughing then.

That's gold for mine. :clap

 

[BrisTiger24]

That's gold for mine. :clap

I missed that one. That is freakin hilarious. I'm crying with laughter.