The Encyclopaedia of Collingwood Jokes
Why did the Collingwood supporter cross the road?
Centrelink was on the other side
How do you inflict 12 months of acute pain on a Pies supporter?
Buy them a membership for Christmas.
What do u say to a Collingwood supporter with a job?
I?ll have fries with that fanks
2 Collingwood Supporters in a car without any music, who is driving?
The Policeman
What do you call a 30 yr old woman in a Collingwood jumper?
Nanna
You know you're a Collingwood supporter when:
1. A Halloween pumpkin has more teeth than your wife does.
2. You let your thirteen-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in
front of her kids.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. Jack Daniel's makes your list of 'most admired people.'
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family once died right after saying: 'Hey, watch this.'
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. A ceiling fan once ruined your wife's hairdo.
9. You think the last words of Advance Australia Fair are: 'Carn the
Maggies .'
10. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded, right off its
wheels.
11. The market value of your car goes up and down, depending on how much
petrol is in it.
12. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
13. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
14. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against
it.
15. You think 'loaded dishwasher' means your wife is drunk.
16. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
17. Your front verandah collapses and kills more than five dogs.
What do Collingwood supporters use as protection during sex?
The bus shelter
If you're driving along and you see a Collingwood supporter riding a
bike why shouldn't you run him over?
It could be your bike.
Three women with footy-fan husbands are discussing their relationships.
The first says, ?My husband follows the Lions and let me tell you our sex
life
is like one premiership after another.?
The second says, ?My husband is a Crows man and every night is like the
back-to-back victories of 1997 and '98.?
They then look at their friend, who hasn't yet said a thing.
?What?s wrong,? they say as their friend starts sobbing. ?Well,? she says
hesitantly, ?my husband supports Collingwood, and all he does is sit on
the end
of the bed and tell me how wonderful it's going to be.?
What's got 100 legs and 4 teeth?
The front row of the Collingwood cheer squad.
What is your wife trying to tell you if she's wearing a Collingwood shirt
to bed?
You ain't going to score.
A Collingwood couple gets married and are on their honeymoon.
The woman changes into a sexy outfit and lies on the bed. She looks
sheepishly up at her new hubby and whispers, ?Please be gentle with me.
I'm a virgin.?
The man gets up screaming, grabs his trousers and runs home to tell his
father, who comforts him by saying, ?Now, now. It'll be okay, son. If she
wasn't
good enough for her own family, then she isn't good enough for ours.?
A Collingwood supporter went down to Centrelink to claim welfare
after realising she was the only one of her friends - (who were all
Collingwood supporters) - who was not on benefits.
?How many children do you have?? the man at Centrelink asked.
?Ten,? she replied.
?What are their names??
?Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn, Jaidyn
and Jaidyn,? she replied.
?They're all named Jaidyn?? he asked ?What if you want them to come in
from playing outside??
?Oh, that's easy,? she said. ?I just call 'Jaidyn,' and they all come
running in.?
?And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner??
?I just say, 'Jaidyn, come eat your dinner',? she answered.
?But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?? he asked.
?Oh, that's easy,? she said. ?I just use their last name.?
How many Collingwood fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven - one to change it, five to moan about it and make
excuses and Mick Malthouse to say that if the umpire had done
his job in the first place the light bulb would never have gone out
What?s the difference between a cactus and the Lexus Centre?
A cactus has pricks on the outside
Why did Cinderella run away from the ball?
Because she played for Collingwood.
Billy was at school this morning and the teacher asked all the
children what their fathers did for a living.
All the typical answers came out: fireman, policeman, salesman, etc.
However, Billy was being uncharacteristically quiet and so the teacher
asked him about his father ..
Billy responded: ?My father is an exotic dancer in a gay club and takes
off all his clothes in front of other men. Sometimes if the offer is
really good, he?ll go out with a man, rent a cheap hotel room and let
them sleep with him.?
The teacher quickly sent the other children outside with some work and
took little Billy aside to ask him if what he?d said was really true.
?No? said Billy ,?He plays AFL football for the Collingwood Football Club,
but I was just too embarrassed to say ..?
Joffa took his 8 year old son to a Pies Game. At half time, an
opposition supporter called one of the Pies cheersquad a transvestite,
prompting Joffa's son to ask him 'dad, what?s a transvestite?', to which
Joffa replied,
'Go ask your mum, he'll know'
.
What do you call a group of Collingwood supporters running off in
the same direction?
Jailbreak!
What is the difference between a Pizza and a Collingwood
supporter?
Pizza can feed a family of four.
A group of Collingwood supporters are standing on their tip toes up
to their necks in water What is the problem?
Not enough water.
How do you know if your house has been robbed by a Collingwood supporter?
Your bins are empty and your dogs pregnant.
What do you call a Collingwood supporter with half a brain?
Gifted.
:spin :happy :clap :rofl
."
