Tigers Establish Offshore Academy
By Dudley D. Liszt for spittle.com.au
Richmond has played down human rights concerns for the welfare of Angus Graham after the alleged ruckman was deported by the club to a new offshore “processing academy” at King Island.
“We tried detaining him at our facilities at Coburg and Craigieburn,” said Richmond Immigration Minister Damien “dIMMI” Hardwick. “King Island is a more secure facility. It’s girt by sea.”
Richmond’s Trade Minister, Craig Cameron, said that Graham will be guarded by an intimidating squad of cardboard cut-outs and his character undermined by an anonymous female attention-seeker kept safe in the knowledge that Graham is yet to record an effective hit-out.
Cameron insisted that Graham “will not be subjected to brainwashing, as we don’t believe it will have any effect in his case”.
He said that he expected processing of the Graham case “to take 2 years unless he can be repatriated to a Third World club like Greater Western Somalia”.
“Processing is a very slow process,” Cameron explained. “After 7 years we still haven’t been able to release Brett Deledio into the midfield.”
News Limited newspapers leapt to Graham’s defence, pointing out that “there are still no charges, much like Graham’s centre bounce work”.
New Limited denied using phone taps because “Graham would never get close enough to tap. Indeed, there is not even any CCTV evidence that he is actually a footballer”.
Crowatian refugee Eevarn Maric said the King Island facility did not deter him from seeking asylum at Richmond. “Adelard ees a wery darngeroos plarse,” he said. “Art leest Keeng Irelarnd ees sarf from Adelard's seereearl keellars.”
Prime Minister Julian Gillard applauded Richmond’s “Bass Strait Solution”, saying that the substitution of the term “delist” for “deport” were “semantic genius”.
Gillard and Hardwick agreed that overuse of the term “moving forward” hadn’t moved either of them forward, while the Minister for a White Australia, Chris Bowen, said Graham’s banishment was “as vital for the national interest as Ms Gillard’s repatriation from Canberra”.
By Dudley D. Liszt for spittle.com.au
Richmond has played down human rights concerns for the welfare of Angus Graham after the alleged ruckman was deported by the club to a new offshore “processing academy” at King Island.
“We tried detaining him at our facilities at Coburg and Craigieburn,” said Richmond Immigration Minister Damien “dIMMI” Hardwick. “King Island is a more secure facility. It’s girt by sea.”
Richmond’s Trade Minister, Craig Cameron, said that Graham will be guarded by an intimidating squad of cardboard cut-outs and his character undermined by an anonymous female attention-seeker kept safe in the knowledge that Graham is yet to record an effective hit-out.
Cameron insisted that Graham “will not be subjected to brainwashing, as we don’t believe it will have any effect in his case”.
He said that he expected processing of the Graham case “to take 2 years unless he can be repatriated to a Third World club like Greater Western Somalia”.
“Processing is a very slow process,” Cameron explained. “After 7 years we still haven’t been able to release Brett Deledio into the midfield.”
News Limited newspapers leapt to Graham’s defence, pointing out that “there are still no charges, much like Graham’s centre bounce work”.
New Limited denied using phone taps because “Graham would never get close enough to tap. Indeed, there is not even any CCTV evidence that he is actually a footballer”.
Crowatian refugee Eevarn Maric said the King Island facility did not deter him from seeking asylum at Richmond. “Adelard ees a wery darngeroos plarse,” he said. “Art leest Keeng Irelarnd ees sarf from Adelard's seereearl keellars.”
Prime Minister Julian Gillard applauded Richmond’s “Bass Strait Solution”, saying that the substitution of the term “delist” for “deport” were “semantic genius”.
Gillard and Hardwick agreed that overuse of the term “moving forward” hadn’t moved either of them forward, while the Minister for a White Australia, Chris Bowen, said Graham’s banishment was “as vital for the national interest as Ms Gillard’s repatriation from Canberra”.
