Tiger Premierships Portend Apocalyptic Prophesy
By Graeme Cavalieri for spittle.com
Former Richmond powerbroker Graeme Richmond has been revealed as the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.
Now taking form in the physical realm as the coronavirus Covid-19, Richmond, who now goes by the name of Chaos, said the rise of Richmond as an almighty AFL dynasty was always going to bring about the end of the world.
“Everyone else could see it coming,” Chaos gurgled from the lungs of an infected cruise ship tourist in the Alfred Hospital’s ICU. “Once we got to 100,000 ‘members’ we would be able to mount a full pandemic that would bring the world to its knees.”
Chaos said the seeds of Armageddon had been sown in the 1960s when the Tigers had taken over the spiritual home of football, the MCG, and won five premierships in 13 years. “It scared everyone,” Chaos said.
“So Jesus instructed his followers to instigate a social distancing program at Punt Rd. We lost Cloke, Raines and BT. *smile* Jesus and his flock of *smile* Magpies!
“Then Sheedy went mad and we lost our most virulent form of toxicity, Mick Malthouse. It was always going to be hard to come back from that.”
Chaos said that the formation of the AFL soon after was an organised attempt to establish national herd immunity from a return to Tiger domination.
“The new AFL pulled out all stops to keep us in check,” Chaos said, ‘from ensuring the umpires crucified us each week to planting an exorcist in recruiting who overlooked Franklin, Fyfe, Pavlich and Cripps. How the *smile* did nobody bat an eyelid when we selected Jarred Oakley-*smile*-Nicholls?”
Chaos said the Tigers’ big break was when they established rampant virulence in a Chinese province. “Prestia. Caddy. Lynch. They didn’t quarantine the Gold Coast effectively and we became an unstoppable force.
“Judgement Day is now upon us,” Chaos said, “and Richmond has won”.
“*smile* Collingwood.”
By Graeme Cavalieri for spittle.com
Former Richmond powerbroker Graeme Richmond has been revealed as the fifth horseman of the apocalypse.
Now taking form in the physical realm as the coronavirus Covid-19, Richmond, who now goes by the name of Chaos, said the rise of Richmond as an almighty AFL dynasty was always going to bring about the end of the world.
“Everyone else could see it coming,” Chaos gurgled from the lungs of an infected cruise ship tourist in the Alfred Hospital’s ICU. “Once we got to 100,000 ‘members’ we would be able to mount a full pandemic that would bring the world to its knees.”
Chaos said the seeds of Armageddon had been sown in the 1960s when the Tigers had taken over the spiritual home of football, the MCG, and won five premierships in 13 years. “It scared everyone,” Chaos said.
“So Jesus instructed his followers to instigate a social distancing program at Punt Rd. We lost Cloke, Raines and BT. *smile* Jesus and his flock of *smile* Magpies!
“Then Sheedy went mad and we lost our most virulent form of toxicity, Mick Malthouse. It was always going to be hard to come back from that.”
Chaos said that the formation of the AFL soon after was an organised attempt to establish national herd immunity from a return to Tiger domination.
“The new AFL pulled out all stops to keep us in check,” Chaos said, ‘from ensuring the umpires crucified us each week to planting an exorcist in recruiting who overlooked Franklin, Fyfe, Pavlich and Cripps. How the *smile* did nobody bat an eyelid when we selected Jarred Oakley-*smile*-Nicholls?”
Chaos said the Tigers’ big break was when they established rampant virulence in a Chinese province. “Prestia. Caddy. Lynch. They didn’t quarantine the Gold Coast effectively and we became an unstoppable force.
“Judgement Day is now upon us,” Chaos said, “and Richmond has won”.
“*smile* Collingwood.”
