English as She is Spoke.
This is dedicated to the literary-minded and to teachers – the two do not always mean the same thing.
Let's face it: English is a strange language.
There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.
English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France.
We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that:
quicksand takes you down slowly:
boxing rings are square;
guinea pigs are neither from Guinea nor are they pigs.
If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?
If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat?
Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital?
We park on driveways and drive on parkways.
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out.
And a bell is only heard once it goes!
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which of course isn't a race at all).
That is why when the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.
And why is it that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story it ends?
And more food for thought:
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? [Roar’s note: yes]
If lawyers are disbarred and clergy-men defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are one billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?
