I posted this on Bigfooty a couple of days ago (yes I was bored). I offer it now to fellow PREnders for a little chuckle at the Hawks' expense:
Hard on the heels of Peter Schwab’s exit, Hawthorn’s Interim CEO Jason Dunstall has given Head Conditioning Coach Edward Beale his marching orders. It is believed that Beale had been responsible for massive budget overruns in his area of responsibility, for no real outcome.
“We’ve just been haemorrhaging in the hair product department for some years and we’ve decided to put a stop to it,” said Dunstall. “When Ed came to us last week and asked for a modification to our shorts to include a back pocket so that the boys could carry a compact mirror, I thought that enough was enough. Sure, a back pocket would have made dressing easier for Steven Greene, but I can’t see why the players couldn’t continue to carry their mirrors and tissues in their socks.”
Dunstall’s personal head conditioner, Lance Corporal Michael Moriarty, has been appointed to the position of Head Conditioning.
Dermott Brereton paid tribute to Beale, saying that, “Edward Beale is a quality human being, and he has taken this decision in the way in which I knew a quality human being would have in the circumstances that he was confronted with at the time of making this decision in the interests of the Hawthorn Football Club, Dermott Brereton, Shane Crawford, Trent Croad and Chance Bateman.”
On the subject of tissues, Dunstall would not be drawn on reports that Hawthorn would be terminating their lucrative sponsorship deal with Kleenex, in favour of Home Brand tissues. A source close to the club said that while Home Brand were less absorbent, they were “tougher on the boys, and that may not be a bad thing at the moment.” An announcement is expected within the week.
Hard on the heels of Peter Schwab’s exit, Hawthorn’s Interim CEO Jason Dunstall has given Head Conditioning Coach Edward Beale his marching orders. It is believed that Beale had been responsible for massive budget overruns in his area of responsibility, for no real outcome.
“We’ve just been haemorrhaging in the hair product department for some years and we’ve decided to put a stop to it,” said Dunstall. “When Ed came to us last week and asked for a modification to our shorts to include a back pocket so that the boys could carry a compact mirror, I thought that enough was enough. Sure, a back pocket would have made dressing easier for Steven Greene, but I can’t see why the players couldn’t continue to carry their mirrors and tissues in their socks.”
Dunstall’s personal head conditioner, Lance Corporal Michael Moriarty, has been appointed to the position of Head Conditioning.
Dermott Brereton paid tribute to Beale, saying that, “Edward Beale is a quality human being, and he has taken this decision in the way in which I knew a quality human being would have in the circumstances that he was confronted with at the time of making this decision in the interests of the Hawthorn Football Club, Dermott Brereton, Shane Crawford, Trent Croad and Chance Bateman.”
On the subject of tissues, Dunstall would not be drawn on reports that Hawthorn would be terminating their lucrative sponsorship deal with Kleenex, in favour of Home Brand tissues. A source close to the club said that while Home Brand were less absorbent, they were “tougher on the boys, and that may not be a bad thing at the moment.” An announcement is expected within the week.
