AFL Announces Quarantine Hub Location
By Karen-Tina Hubble for spittle.com
The AFL has announced plans to complete the 2020 season by playing games in a quarantine hub established on the Moon.
“Not only is the Moon coronavirus-free, it is a lifeless, soulless environment like every other place we’ve tried to transplant AFL games,” said AFL Director of Stupid Ideas, Steve Hocking. “It will bring all the excitement of playing a game in China. In fact, it’s the Chinese who are building the hub.”
Hocking admitted that establishing an AFL presence on the Moon will present its own unique challenges. “For instance, players’ apparel will need to be adapted to incorporate spacesuit technology, but we’re supportive of any innovations that require fans to purchase even more overpriced merchandising *smile*.”
Geelong coach Chris Scott said he was outraged that the Moon had been preferred over Kardinia Park as a quarantine hub. “Geelong also has no atmosphere or the resources required to support intelligent life,” he said. “But unlike the Moon, in Geelong everyone can hear me scream.”
Victoria’s Chief Health Officer, Professor Brett Sutton, said that Geelong was a natural quarantine zone as “no one willingly goes there, and the coronavirus has not jumped species into Geelong’s subhuman population. The only risk the feral population poses to humans remains mugging.”
Geelong spokesbogan Patrick Dangerfield added, ‘Look at me. Everybody look at me. I’m great,” before falling down and pretending to have the virus.
By Karen-Tina Hubble for spittle.com
The AFL has announced plans to complete the 2020 season by playing games in a quarantine hub established on the Moon.
“Not only is the Moon coronavirus-free, it is a lifeless, soulless environment like every other place we’ve tried to transplant AFL games,” said AFL Director of Stupid Ideas, Steve Hocking. “It will bring all the excitement of playing a game in China. In fact, it’s the Chinese who are building the hub.”
Hocking admitted that establishing an AFL presence on the Moon will present its own unique challenges. “For instance, players’ apparel will need to be adapted to incorporate spacesuit technology, but we’re supportive of any innovations that require fans to purchase even more overpriced merchandising *smile*.”
Geelong coach Chris Scott said he was outraged that the Moon had been preferred over Kardinia Park as a quarantine hub. “Geelong also has no atmosphere or the resources required to support intelligent life,” he said. “But unlike the Moon, in Geelong everyone can hear me scream.”
Victoria’s Chief Health Officer, Professor Brett Sutton, said that Geelong was a natural quarantine zone as “no one willingly goes there, and the coronavirus has not jumped species into Geelong’s subhuman population. The only risk the feral population poses to humans remains mugging.”
Geelong spokesbogan Patrick Dangerfield added, ‘Look at me. Everybody look at me. I’m great,” before falling down and pretending to have the virus.
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