First, the best news. Carlton’s list includes Cain Ackland, Jordan Bannister, Luke Blackwell, Cameron Cloke, Jason Saddington and Simon Wiggins. Oh, and wait for it – Ryan Houlihan. ROFLMAO And they are senior age players. The name Tivendale strikes fear into their hearts and a pension is the next good thing that will happen to any one of them.
For years I’ve been laughing myself to sleep at night about Carlton’s list woes, even over the stink of the dog’s farts and the persistent scratching of rats on the other side of the ceiling (I’ve gotta stop sleeping in the roof) I cackle, snore and then cackle again. Carlton’s list. Christ, tell me another one. Joy.
Have they picked up three AFL class players in the last four National Drafts? Don’t reckon.
So how funny is it that they lured Chris Judd in the recent trade period? Every time I think of it the dog’s farts smell better. Lepers, fully deserving of each other, Judd and Carlton. The beauty of it all – football, the universe, Carlton misery (it’s the inevitability that makes it so gratifying – it’s like reverse tragedy).
Judd maybe a fraction less than a champion maybe even a fraction more. But that’s the class he’s measured in. He’s not a god. Just a plaything for gods. He, alone, cannot undo the errors of half a decade. Sure he’s a step in the right direction but other than him what other right steps have been taken?
Backline:
Key slots are improving, chiefly due to the surprisingly good form of Setanta. Thornton has never been big enough or good enough to hold down the #1 slot. Setanta is big enough and he’s learning. Thornton has cover.
Heath Scotland is arguably the worst midfielder in the AFL. But he racks up leather at halfback. It remains to be seen whether he can do it against the best but he has the ball on a string in defence and he can use it.
He gets some cover from Ryan Houlihan. BTW if Ryan gets the hiccups his team-mates whisper the name Andrew Mackie and he’s cured. If only RH’s mate Fevola would share some of his chin they’d both look human. Still and all, you can’t just focus on Scotland if RH is running off the other flank. A foil. (Bogans use two dozen Ryan Houlihans when they get their hair done.) Got more chin than ticker.
Jarrad Waite is a jib. It’s not a marginal call. He’s a benchmark. A big half forward flanker. Is there any lower life form? Yes. A half forward flanker pretending to be a centre half back. And that’s what he’ll do in 08 I reckon.
Sure Waite does a better job of it than that historic leper, Jared Brennan, but that don’t make it good. Still I have to concede that Waite is a very constructive player. Very. And if he gets chopped up Thornton can be rotated through CHB and Waite moved deeper or even forward.
Logical for small back duties is Andrew Walker. He’s not ATM good enough for a defensive mid role but Carlton may be forced to play him there due to their astonishing lack of talent.
Eddie Betts is a fine small forward. But the average lifespan of a forward pocket is three years. They either find another position or get the bullet. IF Eddie is to move on at this stage, the logical position for him to move to is small back, either pocket or flank or rotating. Maybe more likely in 09.
More likely that Jordan Russell will get a chance to learn football in the back pocket. IF nobody else gets over the line, Bannister is a tolerable small back.
So the backline looks like this:
FB Russell/Walker S. O’Hailpin B.Thornton
HB H.Scotland J.Waite R.Houlihan :ROFL
There are plenty worse in the AFL.
Midfield:
#1 midfielder is Chris Judd. No controversy here and fully up to the job. Champion IMO.
#2 midfielder is the interesting slot. Isn’t it always? As I said about St Kilda, if you’re weak at #2 you’re weak. The logical type to groom would be a defensive mid. But Carlton have zero (a very low number) defensive mids.
In the frame are Nick Stevens, Marc Murphy and Andrew Carrazzo. Stevens is interesting. For his entire career he has refrained from putting his head over the ball. But in 07 he started out doing the hard yards and his preseason form was career best. Then he got a career-threatening neck injury. Does this add up to blue-collar efforts in future? I hope so. But I don’t reckon.
Marc Murphy is a wildcard. I like this player. Genuine. Smart user. (I never give a rats if a player has hairdo kicking –effective matters.) Looks like he’ll play both ways. Wins his own leather. Maybe a real good type.
Had some niggles in 07 and struggled with extra attention. Typical 2YB year. Can he handle the #2 role, particularly given that it’s likely to be inside? Even if he can I hope he’s not thrown to the wolves. He’s only 20 and there’s not much of him. Better that he is nurtured next year, rolling through halfback and half forward. And maybe since he’s genuine, given some run-with roles.
Andrew Carrazzo is another of interest. He has racked up cheap leather for a couple of years now and lots of it. The boy can get a kick and contrary to popular opinion at the start of last season can hurt you.
That said, Stevens, Carrazzo and Scotland all rely on the dishonest Carlton gameplan of getting loose across halfback and then fanning to space to create the loose man. Good teams don’t tolerate this rubbish. They don’t let you play it. If Carrazzo has a future he has to learn to play tight. He’s learned overlap, time to learn shut-down and clearance footy. The real stuff. If he can do this every week Carlton can go up several notches.
Hadley, off two knees is a doubting Thomas moment for me. I’ll believe it when I see it. But best of luck to Mark Coughlan. The competition is wall-to-wall with two knee champions.
Walker may be played as #1 defensive mid. I don’t think he’s up to it. IMO he’s just not good enough. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve conveniently forgotten the precedents.
The outside midfield is carried by KayD’e Simpson. He plays like Chance Bateman except not quite as badly. I am a huge non fan of his work. If I had to choose between Bateman and Simpson I’d rather have syphilis.
M: k.sImP’son/Walker C.Judd A.Carrazzo
N.Stevens M.Murphy
Forwardline:
Fevola is not an average player. Even when he was just a mark and kick forward he was extraordinary. Pagan sent him up the park to learn the game and Chin-man showed that he has natural footy smarts and an inside midfielder’s hands.
There are two big problems. His kicking from 50, once freakish, is now only passable due to cumulative groin injuries (I guess). Remember, his outside 50 game is his main game. And these days he is far too important to play the role that Pagan taught him – getting up the park, using the ball quickly to running team-mates. Oh, and one weakness I forgot- Carlton has no #2 forward so he’s on his own. But we’ll get to that.
Here we are already, Carlton has no #2 forward. Waite is a HFF if he plays forward. A Pettifer type who runs faster and therefore plays deeper. No more constructive. IMO Waite will perrobably play back in 08. We’ll know in a couple of months.
Josh Kennedy may not be much good but he was Carlton’s only other tall forward. Vale.
Brad Fisher is 193cm tall. So much for height. He’s a very quick running small with immaculate hands. Probably the easiest type to match up once you recognise that he’s a small. A poor man’s Russel Robertson but with a handy knack of getting up the park and then running towards goal for a brilliant overhead mark. Good teams will make sure there’s someone coming the other way if Carlton are a threat. Goodnight Brad.
Eddie Betts came into the AFL a ready made player. A natural small forward with quick and accurate feet and hands. He’s not quick over the lawn but he has the three steps to find space and he doesn’t need much. His time as a small forward is almost over. Good sides will hurt him physically – there’s not much of the lad. He’ll get a double team. He’ll get a triple (and Gary Ablett sr couldn’t beat three). But I reckon he’s got another year in the role and I’m a fan of this kid’s work. He is their #2 forward which is why their forward line is no smilen good. Too much a function of tactics and not enough of the talent of the personnel.
I have no firm opinion on Gibbs ATM. Can get a kick. Could go either way.
Maybe Kreuzer can do something. >
HF K.SimPs'On B.Fisher B.Gibbs
FF E.Betts B.Fevola M.Kreuzer
Rucks:
There’s a rule in the AFL National Draft. Don’t forget it. If a ruck goes #1 in the ND he is a total chocolate ripple. Welcome aboard Matthew Kreuzer. Do they make those snappy walking frames with the handbrakes and the streamers in navy blue? White streamers might be nice.
Luckily for the Blues they’ve got Cain Ackland to start. The bloke can’t play. He’s a joke. St Kilda, who can’t buy a ruck, flicked him. Dud. He has nightmares that Greg Tivendale is chasing him on the ground. (Tivendale’s got the ball. I share his nightmare.)
And then, of course, there’s Carlton’s answer to Evel Knievel, Cameron Cloke, the speed demon. A living leper.
If they had any idea, and they have none, they’d have chased Ben Hudson, who, coming off a knee, led Adelaide in clearances in 2007. How’d that be, eh? A nasty man there to look after Judd? Let’s leave that to Murphy.
Anyways, if Carlton is any good, and they’re not, they won’t get it together until 09 because that’s just how long it takes. But they're no good.
I sincerely hope they win the Escort Cup again.
