2005 Darwin Awards

[Anduril]

Start of the 2005 Darwin Award contenders




The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington USA
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous
record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop specializing in
handguns.

2. The shop was full of customers . . . firearms customers.

3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police patrol
car parked at the front door.

4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
work.

5. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and
fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol.

6. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with
a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by a number of
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom fired.

7. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons.

8. No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire - rather surprising since
over half the shots missed!

Here we are at the end of March and we already may have the 2005
winner of the Darwin Award. This guy is going to be hard to beat.


>

 

[kb7882]

His name wasn't hecks99, was it ?

 

[Anduril]

His name wasn't hecks99, was it ?

:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl

 

[Tigerclan]

Subject: Darwin Award nominee


Arkansas Woman Killed in Mistaken Rapture

by Elroy Willis

ARKANSAS CITY (EAP) -- A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after
leaping through her moving car's sunroof during an incident best
described as a "mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye-witnesses. Thirteen
other people were injured after a twenty-car pile-up resulted from
people trying to avoid hitting the woman, who was apparently convinced
that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up
into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she
believed was Jesus.

"She started screaming `He's back! He's back!' and climbed out through
the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everet Williams,
husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the
scene.

"I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped,"
Williams>said. She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced
that
Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say.

"This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force,"
said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the
man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was on his way to a
toga costume party, when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck
came loose and released twelve blow-up sex dolls filled with helium,
which then floated up into the sky. Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith,
who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus,
pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration and said
"Come back," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was
sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into heaven as they drove by
him. "I think my wife loved Jesus more than she loved me," the widower
said when asked why his wife would do such a thing.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied
"This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this
to happen."

 

[Jools]

OMG

 

[Roar34]

I'm not even going to ask why 12 blow-up dolls - talk about the Last Supper!

 

[Anduril]

Only in A...... :

 

[Tigerclan]

[The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted

 

[RainseysGirl]

[The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was electrocuted

Dramatic irony bites like a rabid monkey :

 

[Tigerclan]

The switch away from daylight savings time caused consternation among terrorist groups this year.

At precisely 5:30 Israel time on Sunday, two coordinated car bombs exploded in different cities, killing three terrorists who were transporting the bombs. It was initially believed that the devices had been detonated prematurely by klutzy amateurs.

A closer look revealed the truth behind the untimely explosions. Three days before, Israel had made a premature switch from daylight savings time to standard time in order to accommodate a week of Slihot, involving pre-sunrise prayers. Palestinians refused to "live on Zionist time." Two weeks of scheduling havoc ensued.

The bombs had been prepared in a Palestine-controlled area, and set on Daylight Savings time. The confused drivers had already switched to standard time. As a result, the cars were still en-route when the explosives detonated, delivering to the terrorists their demise.